About Self-Mothering
Mother's Day is experienced differently by each of us.. Many of us have wonderful mothers, others, have mothers that were not so great. Most of us experienced our mothers as somewhere in between. On this Mother's Day I would like to offer each of you the tool of "self-mothering" (or self-parenting).
There is a globally familiar sentiment that defines what it means to mother – the verb, not the noun. Mostly, it’s to nurture, to look out for, to listen to, and to invoke feelings of calm. When our primal human need to feel valued and loved is being met, mothering is happening. People on their dying beds often cry out to their mothers, because mother is often deemed the safest place to be physically, spiritually and emotionally.
The powerful thing about mothering is that we can mother our selves.
We can self-mother no matter who we are – as men, women, or any other gender. Admittedly, “mothering” is a gendered term, as society perpetuates the idea that nurturing is a woman’s inherent role.
However anyone who is actively engaged in nurturing and loving on another being in a non-sexual way is mothering. I have been mothered by my mother, girlfriends, teachers, and by uncles too.
When you can mother yourself you become increasingly powerful because you have the tools to self-soothe, self-affirm, and to exercise self-compassion. These tools are important for everyone and are increasingly important for those who have experienced their mothers as rejecting, critical or unavailable.
Many of you will be celebrated as mothers today. You will also celebrating all the women who are mothers in your life. Take the time to call the friends who might not be mothers who mother you. Also, take a moment to ponder "self-mothering" and ask yourself how you might mother yourself today. I'll begin by giving myself a hug and offering myself an affirmation. I encourage you to do the same. You've done so well.
Happy Mother's Day!
From Belle and Lily's Mom,
Dr. Adrianne R. Pinkney,
Integrative Wellness & Life Coach
