The Power of Vulnerability
As a coach, I am always looking for opportunities to grow as a professional and to learn new methods to support others in being healed and whole. I spent all last week in Durham, North Carolina at Duke Integrative Wellness Center attending a workshop titled "Mindfulness for Professionals." While attending the conference, I enjoyed learning with surgeons, ministers, midwives, yoga teachers, and other folks invested in supporting others in whole-life wellness practices. It was awesome. On Thursday, I sat with two incredible ladies during lunch. A superficial conversation about the weather became a profoundly personal discussion about our childhoods. We'd had similar experiences, like stories, and identical heartbreaks.
We had so much in common! One woman shared a story she began with, "I don't usually tell people this..." I listened intensely as she told a sad story about her childhood home. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. When she finished talking, I grabbed her hand and quietly responded, "Me too." Her painful truth was mine as well. I had never met another person with the almost exact same experience. I never heard anyone else tell my story. She bravely told a story that I still struggle to share with others. She was so courageous! I was in awe of her. I asked this brave woman if I could hug her, and she blessed me with a sincere embrace. I held on to her and cried. At that moment, the little girls within us felt less alone. We connected. Her "me too" was so healing for me.
In the past month, I have had several memorable moments of "me too," and I notice that they all begin with someone being vulnerable and taking a risk. It takes a lot of courage to tell your story without knowing if you'll be shamed or supported, embraced or dismissed, loved or left, or shut down or seen. When we tell our stories, we can assess which people will help, love, and stay with us no matter where or who we've been. If we don't show up fully, we will never be loved. Hiding our truth allows people to be in a relationship with the illusion they have of who we are...the true us is left wondering, will someone ever love me? When we tell our stories, we open ourselves up to the "me too's" or the beautiful moments of connection that remind us that we are never alone. This connection only occurs when someone is willing to be vulnerable.
As a girl, several women advised me never to tell a man everything about you. "There is some stuff he just shouldn't know" or "Men can't handle certain things, so don't tell them" are standard instructions for many young women. We were taught to seek to create loving bonds with men while being dishonest, withholding, and manipulative. We were taught to hide our true selves: what happened to us, what we allowed for ourselves, who we were in the past, and what we wanted and needed. It took me years to learn that behaviors like this would never result in creating a loving relationship. To love, one must be willing to be vulnerable. If he doesn't know you, he can never really love you....Think about it.
What is most appealing to women and men alike is having someone know the real you and choose to love you anyway. Despite all the fears, flaws, mistakes, issues, and imperfections, we seek to be loved in spirit and truth. This type of love is only created through radical honesty. Real love involves risk. Are you willing to tell your truth? Are you willing to tell the truth about yourself to others? Are you willing to share the real you with others?
Being vulnerable is not just about telling your truth to others. You must also be vulnerable with yourself. Are you being straight up with you? Are you doing what you are called to do with your life? Does your current relationship contribute to your happiness? Are you really "okay"? We'd be honored to support you in creating a more loving life by trusting that the "truth will set you free." B. Well offers excellent coaching services. Let us help you discover the power of vulnerability. Here's to being brave!
In Spirit and Truth,
Dr. Adrianne R. Pinkney,
Integrative Wellness and Life Coach
