Surrender

I lost my wallet this week. I was distraught. I looked everywhere! I could not find that wallet, and it was upsetting my life. I was "driving dirty" because I didn't have my license. I had no food because I had no bank cards to buy anything. I had to borrow money from others (something my ego hates to do). I felt naked and vulnerable. I felt lost. I noticed no one had used my credit cards, so I concluded it wasn't stolen. I had to have hidden it from myself. I traced my steps. I tore up my office and my house and went back to places I had been. I recruited other people to look for me. I couldn't find my wallet anywhere. I was angry. I was sad. I bargained with God about all I'd do and be if I could find my wallet. I was pitiful. I sat on the floor and tried to cry about it, but something in me felt too old for that... It took two days of losing my wallet before I finally arrived at a place of surrender. It was gone. I'd accepted it. The wallet was lost. I could not will it to me. I could not make it appear. I exhaled. What were my next best steps?

I drove home (after going back to every place I'd been in the last two days and making everyone look for my wallet) and thought of all the things I needed to do to replace everything in my lost wallet. I decided to start with getting my license. I needed to replace my bank cards. I needed a new Costco card. I'd call the insurance people and have them send a new card, but I needed to cancel my checks. In this train of thought, something suddenly came to me, "Check your suitcase." I knew I had already checked my luggage the day I tore my house apart and looked EVERYWHERE, but, hell, what would it hurt to look again. When I arrived home, I exhaled again. I opened the door, walked to my bedroom, walked to the closet, climbed the step ladder that I have to help me get too high places, pulled down my suitcase, reached into this pocket I never really use, and touched my wallet. 

I squealed. Why had I not seen it the first time? Hadn't I already looked there?

Our emotional state can often prevent us from seeing what is directly in front of us. Searching for my wallet in a state of distress with a mindset of, "The Wallet is forever lost!" was not going to assist me in finding an item I'd already deemed "lost". Often, we are so used to feeling a certain way that we cannot create the life we deserve. If we think, "I have to do it myself for it to get done," we will constantly feel stressed and behave in a way that makes our thoughts correct. We will do everything. If we are used to feeling sad and depressed, we will indeed create sad and depressing lives in which "all is lost."  When we are in a place of peace, serenity, and surrender, things flow and come to us... How are you currently feeling? How would you like to feel? Allow B. Well to support you in learning how to surrender to the life God has for you. It will flow, and it will feel good. 

Let it flow, 

Dr. Adrianne R. Pinkney
Integrative Wellness and Life Coach

P.S. That is the picture I sent everyone after locating my wallet. They were pleased.