What I learned from Queer Folk
It's pride month! I have to say there are so many queer folks in my life who I love and learn so much from. One lesson I learned from a lesbian friend was, "Don't assume gender roles in your relationship. Don't assume because he is a man, he will do certain things, just like he shouldn't assume because you are a woman, you will do certain things."
She reminded me that because she is in a homosexual relationship, she and her partner have to have direct conversations to decide who does what, as they are both women. Topics to be discussed include who will propose to whom, how we divide household labor, how we want to be pursued, the expectations around protection, etc… She added, "You straits assume too much." And she was right!
I learned that I had to have direct conversations with my partner about what I expected and not assume he would do certain things because he is a man. I had so many preconceived notions about protection and provision that I had never troubled those ideas. I just accepted them as the norm. Having been challenged to discuss gender roles, I began to ask questions like, "Do you want to be a provider? What does providing for your family mean?" Or "I would like my man to be a protector of our family, if someone was trying to harm me or our family, what are you prepared to do?"
Having these conversations saved me a lot of hurt and heartbreak because I was able to create realistic expectations of my partner based on who he is and not on his gender assignment. Louis told me directly, "Adrianne, I will protect our family, but I prefer not to fight physically. I am a big guy, and I am a man of color, and the consequences of physical confrontation for me are greater." That conversation helped me empathize with and respect my partner more. When we are out in the world, and things get a little squirrely, Louis will lead our girls and me away from danger. I know his strategy is to de-escalate…and call corporate later. That's how he protects. I respect his choice.
I am thankful for the ways that my queer friends enhance my life. We are incredibly proud to support and celebrate our LGBTQ clients and community. Love is love, and we are committed to creating a welcoming and inclusive space for everyone. This month and every month, we stand with our queer clients, colleagues, friends, and family. Your resilience and strength inspire us, and we are dedicated to championing equality and acceptance. We will be shouting out our LGBTQ community all month long. Thanks for all the color you bring.
Love is love,
Dr. Adrianne R. Pinkney
